A few simple steps to using your man for your own whims, and keeping him up high to view whenever your labito desires.

• Don’t make him home made gifts.

Sure, that’s cute and all. But, if you want him to last, it’s not the effort that counts, it’s the time. You met him at a 80’s cover band with old men puking in the background? Bring him there, he’s sure to love it. You don’t know what to give him? Men like beer, don’t they? Yeah, get him a 6 pack and he will come at your beck and call.

• Go to strip clubs

You don’t want to leave that poor single man in the strip club alone, do you? Someone might take advantage of him with his one button down sweater vest. So, while he’s not looking go and say hello. It’s very easy, you just wave your hand, but not too fast, you don’t want to scare him, remember she’s a fragile man. If that doesn’t work just put a bag over his head and drag him home.

• Seduce his parents with your charm

Oh so you somehow dragged him back to your place. Great. Now you have to somehow introduce you to his parents. What? It’s been 3 years and you haven’t met them yet? Get you suitcase in order, things are stepping up. Okay, so this is the part where you can really get to see some skin. If you are nice to his parents, you got everything under wraps.

• Relish in glory

Look at you, you’ve got a mindless man on your arm following your every order. Now you can sit back, take a few of his beers, and jump on him any time you want. Have a good time, hit that whip ladies!