Fields Of Gold

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Hi All,

Just recorded Fields of Gold for the first time in a long while. Actually warmed up before I started singing and realized I just have to relax to sound good. If I’m nervous, that is when I get off pitch or can’t hit the right notes.

Give me your comments please only nice constructive ones! I am not too happy with the slowness of the camera, any better ideas to make it sound “studio”?

~~~~~~~~Thanks! Click Below to View~~~~

Caeli’s First Song, Fields Of Gold

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I am an extremely nervous singer, even when I am singing by myself and I have to get into “the singing zone” in order to show myself the good sound. So my fiancee walked in while I was recording and I said hey can you wait until i’m done and not come in while I’m singing? I had this intense Swedish voice teacher that if I ever messed up would yell at me and made me cry so I have some problems singing from nerves.

And he got all passive aggressive and mad that he had a long work day and that I’m being unreasonable, which I know is not the truth. He just wanted to say hi, and I was trying to focus and got distracted so I reacted negatively to his smiling wave and got mad.

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I am not saying he can’t come in, just like at a concert or when he is working, I won’t come in and expect his full attention. But, I guess he didn’t know and stormed in the other room like a storm trooper. So ideas on that?

It was basically how I reacted because I got nervous and he said I should not be nervous around him while singing. So then I got mad at that saying I’m allowed to be nervous whenever I want.

So what the hell is it just that we both get our feeling touchy and both are the same wanting full attention but can’t always have it?

This same problem seems to come up again in many different areas. When I am busy and don’t want to “blow a kiss” back to him, or hold his hand because I feel like I’m going to puke since I am pregnant he gets butt hurt like I don’t want him.

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How do I get him to understand I love him but I am cranky 50% of the time and it has nothing to do with my love and affection for him?

Why can’t 2 people both be cranky and understanding of that and not run off?

Also he got mad that I would not wake up early when I am not working to make him smoothies at 7am. Can’t he wake up early and make his own smoothies?

He only has one hand but still he can do anything if he really wants to but not that I’m pregnant I told him sorry you are taking care of me. I have been taking care of him all this time without being too passive about it, so what is going on now?

He might be upset that he is doing everything for me and working and paying the bills and then when I do something I want I don’t bow down to him and be nice.

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Well just because he is taking care of everything does not mean he owns it.

He also got mad because yesterday I ate 2 ice creams without him and he says if he buys the groceries then he dictates when we eat ice cream. I’m sorry but I’m pregnant! Did you know that? When the Hell is there dictation on food and holding me accountable for “stealing” when he buys the groceries all the time anyways? You want me to send you some money for ice cream, is that the problem? You want me to buy groceries? If I OFFERED to buy you food I would not get mad about the amount you ate. Rather, I would say nicely

Hey honey I know you love your ice cream so much, would you mind buying it when you want to eat more since I am paying alot?

THAT WOULD BE REASONABLE

Also, what if it’s not the money it’s that he wants to have the experience of eating ice cream together as a couple? WELL SORRY, I am going to eat what I want when I want. I’ll still have meals with you, but I’m not going to be a robot on your schedule and eat on command and then say no when I don’t want it. That’s CONTROL and overstepping boundaries.

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Just because people are in a relationship does not mean they get to dictate what the other person does. They can ask and suggest but they have to just LET GO.

I think he is being ALL KINDS OF UNREASONABLE obviously. But, I know he is stressed with the pregnancy and being the bill carrier right now.

I even went and got him a special coffee and then when I was sick and didn’t give him attention he was cranky again.

And if I don’t make breakfast he won’t eat, so is that my problem that he gets passive if he does not wake up and make himself food?

I remember when I was younger I had such a strange concept of love and sexuality. I was definately attracted to people and attracted to almost everyone. But, that does not mean that I’m always wanting to be romantic. Then, once I got on antidepressants I feel like it made me “normal”. I would consider myself asexual with a sexual drive. This just means that I really enjoy personal space and just want to “be” with them without expectations. Then, when I am romanced I get back into the zone. Now that I am getting off all my medications, I feel like some of this is coming back. Could I be asexual and does it matter?

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I can be attracted to you but not always want or need attention. I was that girl who never showed affection in public and would only kiss a guy maybe once a week. I would be attracted to kindness and displays of romance, like getting me flowers or writing me a poem. Now, I love to show displays of affection in public but only when I want to. Is it ok to deny affection and still show you love them? I always feel like that is what relationships are to me. There is a “wooing” period and then you both are platonically romantic asking the other when they want attention and seeking your own time.

I guess I have always been such a personal to myself kind of person that now I’m starting to go back into that without the social addition that Adderall gave me.

Should I be worried or how to explain to someone you love them and are attracted but don’t always want to be cute? I love being lazy and best friends with my partner most of the time. When I say hey, I’m ready that’s usually the only time I can get close to them. I want to cuddle all the time, but it always leads to something more. I just want to feel loved and be understood for a distance love half the time which means nothing bad about them. It actually means I know myself really well and know what I need when I need it.

Does pregnancy change your relationship emotions and hormones?

Do we need couples counseling?

What is your advice? Please only kind words of I’ll be throwing up again.

 

 

 

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